My Favorites!!!!

I wanted to help you get to know me better by sharing some of my favorite things in the UNIVERSE with you!

I love my little family with my whole heart. I gave my heart to my husband when I was sixteen, and he has cared for it ever since. I never want it back. Our son is and has always been a wonder and joy to us. He is a gift from Heavenly Father that I will forever cherish.

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I am grateful for my testimony of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. I am also grateful for the role of families in His plan for us.

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I love books-

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Writing is my favorite thing to do.

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I love birds. There is a lilac tree by our neighbor's house and I saw the two cutest birds in it yesterday. It was an aaaawwww moment.

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I love cats. We only have one, my little Emily, and she is so adorable and dorky. I love that kitty!

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I love babies, but they always seem to be leaking somewhere. I don't get that part, but little baby feet and bellies are the cutest!

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Music is a must have in my life! I love all kinds except opera, and most classical music.

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I love that my parents live so close to us. I love that I get to see them all of the time, and that they have been such an important part of Tyler's life.

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I love bacon, but if I didn't I would be just plain crazy.

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I love that I got to see an angel on earth through Ben Orton. That boy is so sweet, and is missed.

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I love that our family is filled with love.

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I love that I have an "adopted" son, and that he is such a good person!

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We read as a family every night. We have shared so many good books together.

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I love Christmas and Thanksgiving!

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I love berries.

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I love twinkle lights!

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I want to snuggle with a polar bear, panda bear, and grizzly bear, but I don't see that happening anytime soon :)

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I love to laugh.

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I love journaling, when I remember to do it ;)

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I love all animals! They are so sweet.

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I love hugs.

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I love the ocean.

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I want to go to Ireland, and stay for a couple of months.

That's just a sampling of the things I love. I'm sure there are a lot more, but that's it for now. Love and Hugs!!!!

You Don't Know Me

There are many people that think they have me all figured out, but you don't know me. Not the real me. Some people think that they understand everything about me, but you don't and you probably won't even care to try. Some people would group me with the misfits, the losers, the pathetic, the maladjusted, the attention starved. You have no idea what I am. Just like I may want to to call you an ignorant bastard for thinking those things about me, but I shouldn't because I don't know you.

You don't know that I can hardly get out of bed sometimes. You don't know that pajamas are my usual clothing choice because I can't think of a damn good reason to get dressed. You don't know that while you are laughing and having a great time being out, it's all I can do to hold myself together. You don't know the friendships I have lost because I am so anxious around other people I want to scream. You don't know how lonely I am. You don't know that my only comfort is my husband. You don't know that I can't feel comfortable anywhere but my home. You don't know that I am so afraid of the outside world, that I have built a cocoon around myself. You don't know that I have to change my clothes when I come home because I am so afraid of germs. You don't know the multitude of silent prayers I say to make it through each time I have to go out. You don't know how hard it is for me to open the mail because I am afraid of germs. You don't know how I can't even read library books comfortably because other people have touched them. You don't know how mentally and emotionally and physically tired I get. You don't know how humiliating it is to not be believed that I feel as badly as I do. You don't know how hard it is not to be able to eat without inspecting my food. You don't know how hard it is for me to talk to people, or to even to be around other people. You don't know how hard it is to want to be invisible when you are out. The list goes on and on. You may think you know me, but you don't.

My diagnosis is Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks. You don't know how hard it is to live a life like that. If I don't meet up to your expectations, or if you feel somewhat superior to me because you have managed to deal with a mild form of one of these illnesses well yippee for you. As I said you don't know me or what it's like to be in my head.

I need to heal, I need to understand what a kind and loving friend said to me, that this is an illness. I am sick. It may not be with cancer, diabetes, or even a cold, but it sure as hell makes you feel exhausted, consumed, and drained.

You Really Don't Know Me.

Three Wishes

Every author needs one of these!

I posted on my FB wall a simple question: If you had three wishes what would they be? I had a lot of great replies. Now my three wishes:

1. I wish that my family had good health (I'll go ahead and stick myself in there too) I wish Tyler's migraines would be cured, and that he would never have to suffer through another one. I would wish that Adam's migraines would disappear, his epilepsy would never bother him again, his arthritis would go away, and that his breathing problems would never plague him again.

2. I wish that I could meet my favorite authors: Elizabeth Scott, Alyson Noel, Elizabeth Chandler, Scott Westerfeld, Todd Strasser, Jay Asher, Michael Grant, Jessica Verday, L.M. Momtgomery(admittedly difficult on the last one)

3. My final wish would be to be a published author. That would be a dream come true.

Lots to Say

Well, once again, it has been too long since I have blogged! I have learned some things, done some stuff, and I'll tell you all about it!

I've learned that a lot of people that I thought were my friends aren't. I learned that if I had some posts on Facebook that were about some illnesses in my family or my depression, I would be either de-friended or have my status hidden. That hurt. I'm not sure how many real friends I actually have. Yeah that stung.

I have finished my book, I just have to complete the editing process. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm really hoping it does well. A very sweet friend is putting a website together for me. That is awesome! I am feeling like an expectant mother. I want my baby to be treated well. I am also tossing around the idea of trying to publish with an agent or try to go it on my own. I know that I want to publish traditionally first, and then do e-publishing second. Oy! So many decisions to make!

Much love and Hugs to those that have stood beside me through the good, bad, ugly, and pretty!! Please bring chocolate to see me through the publishing process?

Questions

Why do you always have to pee during the good part of a movie?

What's the stuff in hi-lighters that makes them hi-light?

Why do new books smell so good?

Why do libraries always stink?

Exactly what parts of the animal are used in the making of bologna?

Why does jelly go so perfectly with peanut butter?

Who was the first person to discover PB & J?

Who was the very first person to step in gum?

Why do little kids love to pick their noses in public?

Why does Wal-Mart have a greeter?

Why do people cover their cars with bumper stickers?

Who was the first mother to shout to their child as they entered a public restroom, "Make sure you cover the seat with toilet paper"?

Who invented erasers?

Why do you always have to find out that your shoes make that weird squeaking sound when your someplace other than home?

Why do dogs turn around a few times before they finally lie down?

Who invented cereal, and then decided that it was good for breakfast?

Why do people call Saturday and Sunday the weekend, when technically Sunday is the first day of the week?

Why does chocolate taste so dang good?

Just some random questions for you to ponder. It's kind of crazy to be in my head, huh?

What I know

What I know is that I don't know much.

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I don't know how I am going to get my book published, but I do know that I am going to work my butt off to get it done.

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I don't know what I did to offend so many people, but if being accepted means I have to change who I am...It's not going to happen.

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I don't know why people act one way on Sundays, and then act differently every other day of the week.

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I don't know why people can be so mean.

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What I do know, is that I am who I am. If you are a good friend to me, I am by your side through thick and thin.

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I know that I am a wife and mother first. Everything else comes second.

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I know that I am a heavy metal playing, gory sci-fi tv and movie loving, YA novel reading and writing, LDS mom and wife. That is who I am. That is who I want to be, and that is who I probably always will be.

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I know that I tell it how it is. The good, bad, pretty, ugly, and everything in between. If you don't like it, you know where the off switch is. Don't let the door hit you on your rear as you leave. BTW-You won't be missed. Fair weather friends never are.

The Guilt Ends Now

I think I have finally let myself see things the way they really are. I think we all sit on our high horses, having expectations that we don't meet ourselves. I am so tired of being pulled in different directions. I have put my family first, and that is what needs to be.

I used to be so afraid of letting people down all of the time. Why the crap should I care what other people think of me. My family needs me, and they are the ones that have to come before all others.

My family is going through some very trying times, and I have to be here for them. I know people don't get it, but, oh well. Heavenly Father says Family First, so Family First it is.

For those of you that don't get it. I hope you never have to see your loved ones suffering. I hope you never have to see your child miss out on so much because he is so sick. I hope you never have to see your child miss out on daily life, and have his life consist of tests, specialists, medications, and seeing his friends do what he wishes he could do. I hope you never have to see your spouse suffer through multiple surgeries, and be in constant pain.

I'm sorry if my family's trials are inconveniencing you.

Insanity

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, than I think most of us are in trouble. I find it funny that people do this constantly, but always seem surprised when things don't change in their lives.

There is another group of people that amaze me. It's the mindset that anything you put on Myspace, Facebook, blog, or write about has to be butterflies and sunshine. To that, I say from the rooftops, "GET REAL! GET A LIFE! REAL LIFE ISN'T LIKE THAT!" Did you hear me? Sometimes life bites, and it would be completely unrealistic to think that you can never talk about it. Yes, much of life is good, but if you can't take the fact that sometimes things suck (Gasp! Did I just say the "s" word? Why, yes, I said suck! It's not a swear, get over it people!) then you so don't live in the real world. If you happen to be going through a crappy (Gasp Again!) time then for crying out loud, let other people know. Maybe there is something that they can do to help, or maybe you can help someone else with your example.

Here is a list of words that for some reason people find offensive for no good reason. Crap, Crappy, Craptastic, Suck, Sucky, Sucked, Shut up, Bites, Flip,

Example: If you behave in a crappy manner to me, and I think it sucks, I will tell you to flippin' bite me and to shut the crap up. There is nothing wrong with that sentence. I did not swear. It was perfectly acceptable.

I realize that there are people out there that may think that my hubby and I are bad parents to our almost 18 year old son. Get ready for a collective Gasp! We watch PG-13 movies with our son, we listen to heavy metal with our son, actually we introduced him to fine bands like Metallica, Breaking Benjamin, Disturbed, and Evanescence and we have even introduced him to punk metal. I can almost hear the gasping from people at church. We don't have any feelings of regret as to how we have parented our child. He is an amazing kid with a stronger testimony and relationship with Heavenly Father than a whole lot of adults in the Church, and guess what so do my husband and I. In fact we have weekly Family Home Evening, DAILY Scripture Study, and Family Prayer and Personal Prayer. We are as close of a family as I have ever seen. Don't be so quick to judge us. We are doing very well.

My Cluttered Mind

I have many things to share. Just some completely random thoughts that have been floating around my cluttered mind.

I know that everyone on this revolving marble has to go through trials and tribulations. I get it. I am just so tired of seeing my sweet husband and son suffer with migraines. We are seeing neurologists, and I know that to find the right solution will take time, but it is heartbreaking when you do all you can and they still suffer.

I am so effin' tired, I could sleep for two weeks. Tyler tends to have long nights due to the migraines, and I wake up to help him. I do believe it may be catching up to me. Yeah...very tired.

I have also realized lately that I am a square peg. I know I have thought that before, but I really am. Out of my six closest friends, only two are women, and those two are just as weird as I am. I guess I just don't fit in with the "classic" woman things. I don't do shopping, spas, or shoes. (Except for books) I can't wait to go see a demolition derby, I want his and her matching four wheelers for me and my hubby, I can't wait for our picnic in the graveyard, and I am obsessed with writing. I do dye my hair weird colors, but that's for fun.

This brings me back to my last post here. My two best friends in this world are Adam and Tyler. That will never ever change. Most of the people that have let me down in my life are women. I think that's why my two close women friends mean so much to me. Megan and Kayla are so important to me. I love them and cherish their friendship. My guy close friends: Don, David, Mike, and Ed. You guys rock!

To my dear sweet family, Adam and Tyler-I love you with all of my heart, and you guys always come first.

Don't Play Me

This is something that people should know. Don't play me. If you say to me that you have been a terrible friend to me, chances are I will agree with you fully. So, the way to fix that is (SURPRISE) don't be a terrible friend to begin with.

Don't say you are going to do something, and then blow me off. Don't even say you will in the first place. That won't bother me.

Don't lie to me. Once that trust is broken, I don't give it again...EVER. I have enough scars inside from broken trust; I don't need anymore.

Don't treat me like crap, and then expect me to be fine with you. It's not gonna happen. If you act like you are humiliated to be around me, and you blow me off. Bite Me! It's all I have to say on this subject.

To all of you that have loved me, treated me kindly, and respected me, I love you, and I thank you!!!!!!

It Has Been So Long!!!!

I haven't blogged in such a long time. I have finished the rough draft of my novel, and have moved onto the rewrite and revision department. I love it so much!!!

I have also been doing a lot of reading on my own and with my family. As a family we are currently reading The Immortals series by Alyson Noel. She is one of my all time favorite authors. On my own I have read My Blood Approves and Fate by Amanda Hocking. She is so amazing. her books are almost impossible to put down once you start. I am blaming those books for not being closer to finishing my own novel. I've also started reading Anne Frank and Me by Cherie Bennett and Jeff Gottesfeld. So far an amazing read! I have also become addicted to The Hollows series by Jessica Verday.

I am really hoping that my book will get published. It is every author's dream to see their book on a shelf in a book store, or seeing it on the best seller list. I would love to know that my books make some sort of impact in this world for good. We shall see!!!!

For Kasi

I just needed to vent about people that judge others. There are so many people that try to assume what kind of person someone is. I just want to say that words hurt. How we treat others really matters. We need to uplift, care for, and nurture other people. We have no right to hurt others with our words, our coldness, and actions.

Hasi, you will be a great mom. You are loving and caring. Your firts instinct is what is best for your child. That shows me and many others that you will be a loving, and nurturing mom. Don't let anyone else drag you down. This mom is rooting for you.

Many Thanks, Love, and Hugs

There would never be enough room on Facebook to say thank you, and to express my love and gratitude to everyone that has been helping us.

I want to thank everyone that has been praying for us. That means so much.

We have the best cooks in Laconia Ward. Thank you to the Tilley Family, The Presby Family, The Swain Family, and The Lewis Family for the best dinners in the world!!!! Thank you Bonnie for the Easter dinner. When we have more energy we will devour that ham!

Thanks to the sweet Hanson Family for the Easter Eggs! They are so beautiful, and I would love to know how you guys knew that I adore dragonflies and butterflies!!!!

The offers for help have touched my heart. There have been so many. Thanks so much!!!

Erica has worked so hard to make sure we have been taken care of, and you will never know how much that has meant to all of us.

Adam has a long road ahead of him, and Tyler does too. Adam tends to put on a tough face for others, but he pretty much is home bound for now. He spends his days healing on the couch. He gets on the computer about once a day. That hurts him, but he would go crazy without the distraction. Tyler starts his journey next month with the doctors at DHMC. He is wearing his sunglasses in the house, throwing up, and dealing with his pain. I am just so glad that he has the meds he has to get him through.

My heart is sending all of you wonderful people love and hugs for the help you have given us. I want you to know how much we appreciate all that you have done for us.

A Glimpse Into My Scary Mind

Random Thought: I have rediscovered my love for Hole. Courtney Love is awesome. I love her vocals, and her style is great. I have to admit that I have some weird likes in music and just about everything else, but hey, it's the way I am. Random Thought: I happen to think that there was so much more to Marilyn Monroe than what Hollywood did to her. They made their money turning her into a vapid moron, but in reading some things she has had to say, there was so much more going on than what was seen on the surface. No, I don't think her death was a suicide, and Yes, I do think that the Kennedy family was involved. Random Thought: If I have to see another add for the Twilight movies, I will seriously puke. How can crappy acting bring in so much money? BTW-What the heck was with the Team Edward and Team Jacob crud? Hello! Read the books; the ending has already been decided. Random Thought: Have you ever noticed just how yummy chocolate and peanut butter are together. In candy or cereal form-YUMMAY!!! Random Thought-Spring is coming, and I hate bugs. Yuck! Random Thought-I hate it when my stacks of books are out of order. Random Thought-I have three huge book cases, and they are overflowing onto other flat surfaces, and I will never get rid of any of them. Random Thought-Oatmeal is yummy! Random Thought-I want to see Metallica in concert sooooo badly! Random Thought-I love the show Bones. So gross and soooo cool! Random Thought-I always trade silverware with Adam at a restaurant.

Tyler

It's two o'clock in the afternoon, I just finished my breakfast, and I am still in my pajamas. Yup, it was a rough night. - Thankfully, Tyler's neurologist is a very good friend to our family, and we are able to call him on his cell or at home. Well, Friday everything sort of came crashing down around us. He had been putting in weeks of horrid daily migraines and vomiting. I called our fave doc in the world on his cell, and he had us take Tyler to the ER for blood work and dehydration. He was concerned because Tyler had taken 8 mg of Zofran and was still vomiting. This is a drug that they would give to chemo patients to control their nausea. He had lost over 20 pounds in a little over a month. Freaking SCARY! - We brought Tyler in and it took two nurses about half an hour to be able to get his IV in. OUCH! They administered Compazine for the nausea and migraine pain, but within minutes, Tyler was having a nasty reaction. He was combative, angry and restless. I went to the nurses' station and told them what was happening, and the doctor and a nurse came in right away. They gave him Benadryl through his IV and explained that he was having Dystonia because of the Compazine. Apparently it happens in one out of twenty patients. It was scary as heck. Thankfully the Benadryl helped, and he was able to calm down. - After that wonderfully jarring experience, they gave him a pain med that could knock over a horse. He actually had two days with hardly any pain, and no nausea! Then in the middle of the night his migraine spiked, and he is in pain today. He is resting now, and my heart is so sad for him. He had two days of feeling well, just to be blindsided by horrible pain again. - In all of this I have learned a few lessons. - 1. Cherish the good times. - 2. No one can understand what you are going through unless they have had a sick child as well. - 3. Times like these can strengthen your faith, or make you bitter. I am choosing to strengthen my faith. - There have been a couple shining examples for me. Tyler's faith hasn't been shaken. He has a strong testimony and belief in our Heavenly Father. We prayed and prayed that the nurses would be able to get his IV in, and they were able to. That was a huge blessing. Tyler's friend Trevor has been pulling for him, and none of us will ever forget that. Our new Home Teacher, Matt, has shown so much love and concern for Tyler as well. That touched my heart. - When you go through things like this, it is the little things that matter most. Someone dropping a dinner by or a phone call. If we say no, now is not a good time to come by, please don't get offended, Tyler has to be our first priority now, and we may have put in a rough day, night, or both. We may still be in our jammies and eating breakfast at two in the afternoon. This is hard for all of us, and we are just trying to hold on, hang in, and get through this.

Book Review Two!

Today I have two amazing books that I would like to share with the blogging world. They are both by one of my favorite authors, Todd Strasser.

Wish You Were Dead is an amazing book. Todd Strasser has outdone himself in his creative style and edge of your seat story telling. Anyone that picks this book up will have a hard time putting it down. This mystery is thrilling from beginning to end.

If Wish You Were Dead is an amazing book, Blood on My Hands is outstanding! The mystery along with the romantic aspect of this storyline are thrilling from start to the jaw dropping ending. Anyone that knows me for five minutes knows that I am not afraid to state my opinion whether good or bad. I truly have nothing negative to say about this book. It is a must read.

I have read many of Mr. Strasser's books, and I have enjoyed them; some more than others, but these two books will not disappoint. Mr. Strasser's writing style is at it's best. In at least one of his other books the style seemed dated and stiff, but now it seems to flow freely. These books get an A+ from this reader.

Goings On

Tyler's two favorite gifts! Dad lighting the candles!!!!!

Our little Emily is never far from us!!!!

My sweet Hubby! I adore this sweet man!!

Tyler could eat on his birthday!!! We were blessed to have him feel well enough to

enjoy his day!!!!!!

Many things are on my mind today. That may or may not be a good thing; time will tell.

I think a lot about what has been happening with our family. I also think about what is going to happen. Ad has his first appointment with his surgeon this coming week. Yikes!

Tyler has been putting in some terrible days and nights. His migraines have been terrible. He is getting some rest today. Poor kiddo really needs it.

He spent his birthday with a migraine, but he didn't throw up so it was a good day. In his birthday pics, he's on the couch, under his quilt that I made him. He was able to have a birthday dinner and cake. So, thankfully, that was a happy day.

I've also been thinking about writing. I haven't been able to do as much of it as I want, but there is a time and season for everything. Now, I am ready to get back to it. I know that it's a part of me. I don't think I could be me without writing of some kind. I need to write like I need to breathe. I have been suffocating for a while now.

I have also been thinking about something that a lot of people know about, but a lot more don't. I have been struggling with anxiety, depression, and OCD for most of my life. I suffered with an eating disorder in high school, trichotillomania, and other anxiety "tics" in school. In my adult life my demons have taken the version of crippling OCD. I have a horrid fear of germs, social phobia, and many others. I also suffer from panic attacks. Yes, I am on meds. Are they completely effective? Not at all. There is always the struggle to find the right meds, or combination of meds.

You want to hear something really strange? I think all of this has made me a better person. I have empathy, sympathy, and understanding that I would have gained only by going through this my whole life. I am the kind of mom that I always wanted to have. I am the kind of advocate for my child that I should have had as a child.

We are all given tests. We just need to get through them, and come out better on the other side.

I Did Not Stack The Deck!!!

These Are The Faces Of My Accusers!!!!!

For our Family Home Evening activity we played Cribbage. When it was my turn to shuffle the cards and deal, my hubby accused me of stacking the deck!!! Well, I most definitely did not. I just wanted to set the record straight.

Of course I know he is kidding!!!

We had a Blast!!!!!

Today, I Am Thankful

I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my husband and son. I am thankful for my parents, and the love they show me.I am thankful for sweet friends like Becky O. and Kasi. Kasi, I know I have only met you through Facebook, but you are a sweet friend.

I am grateful that spring is coming, and the snow is melting. I can't wait for my Lilacs to bloom. I love that this world is so beautiful.

I'm grateful for having people in my life that stick with me through the good and the bad. Even my sweet little cat Emily. She has her own sweet personality that I love.

I am grateful for the tests and trials that we go through as a family because they will make us stronger. I am grateful for my faith. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and my family, and in the end, that's all that matters.

I want to thank all of you for sticking by my side. I know that at times I need to just shut down, vent, or cry. I still want to thank my sweet friends new and old for sticking with me. Know I love you all, and I am forever grateful for the blessings that you are.

Do You Ever?

Do you ever feel like everyone has expectations that you can never meet? Do you ever feel like you are hanging on to the middle of a rope that is burning at both ends? Do you ever feel like you need a deep breathe of fresh air? Do you ever feel like you need some time alone? Do you ever feel like you don't fit in anywhere? Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try it's never enough? Do you ever feel like you want to be a kid again where someone else took care of all your problems? Do you ever feel like you aren't pretty enough? Do you ever wish you could just pick up your family and move? Do you ever feel that you are lonely in a room full of people? Do you ever feel like you are standing in a room full of people screaming and no one hears you?

I do.

Um...Yeah...It's Kinda Like That

I write, read, and I have to have my music. Right now I am listening to Alanis Morissette. She is so raw. I love her vocals and passion. Right now I am in a cleansing mood. I tend to bottle everything up inside, and it's not until I write that I have my cathartic cleansing experience. I don't like phones. I prefer email, Facebook, journaling, and Blogging. My hubby and son are the only ones I like talking to. No offense to anyone reading this. It's just who I am.

I was the kid in school that liked homework. I loved English, Reading, and Writing. I took an extra class that was devoted to writing. When it came to Science and Math...yeah...not so great there.

My favorite thing is to be able to sit at my lappy, and just write. When I catch that hook, wow...complete Zen moments! Amazing!!!

I've noticed lately, that with all of the stress we've been going through, my Zen moments are fewer. Somehow I have to get that me sitting and freaking out isn't going to change anything. I just have to let myself get lost in writing. That's how I deal, and it's okay.

Alanis says it best:

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

Book Reviews!!!

I have decided to review some books every now and then. I been devouring books since I was a teen, and I love writing. So, I figured that I would give reviewing books a whirl. I'll start with the bad review first. I want to end on a positive note.
On a scale of 1-10 with ten being the best this is a negative 100.



This book and others written under the name of V.C. Andrews, in my opinion, are horrid. This book is laced with incest, consensual, between a brother and sister, and a grandmother that wants her grandchildren dead. It is sad because the story line in this and other books by this author are strong enough to stand on their own without the porn.

Overall, the story line is good, but the author lost major respect for making the common mistake of throwing in strong sexual content to make the book more appealing. I would never let a child of mine read anything with this author's name on it.

13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher gets an A+ from me. This book should be read by every parent and teen. I also feel that it should be required reading for every teacher and every adult working with children.

Mr. Asher has taken the subject of bullying and put it in a completely unique form. This book isn't the typical bullying is wrong approach. It's so much more than that. It is interesting, immediately draws you in, and leaves you with a stronger message than any public speaker or public service message could ever convey. This book is hauntingly well written.

You truly never know what your words or actions can do to others.

Pajamas

I know, weird title, huh? Well as I write to all of you at four in the afternoon I am still in my pajamas, and I just downed some blueberry Pop Tarts. Yes, I am depressed, and I am going to tell the whole blogging world just why I am.

First, our son has been suffering from debilitating migraines. He gets so sick from them. We are seeing specialists, and we have another appointment at the end of the month with his neurologist. His schooling is suffering, and that has me so worried. I feel so badly for him because he can't live the life of a normal, care free, teen. We are doing all we can, but he is still not well.

Second is my sweet hubby. He has epilepsy, migraines, and his last MRI showed that he is growing new and unexplained lesions in the white matter of his brain. Hopefully we'll find out what is happening to him at the end of the month. From what we have been able to find out, it could be migraine related lesions, which they don't know much about yet, or something like MS.

Then there is my dad that has just been diagnosed with either lung cancer or lymphoma. He goes to find out exactly what it is soon. I'm not ready to lose my dad. I am the baby of the family and the only girl. Needless to say I am close to my dad, and I can't imagine life without him.

Then last night we got a phone call from Adam's doctor. He had reconstructive surgery on his chest in 2005. The wires they put in his rib cage have fractured. He needs to have another surgery to remove them.

Things are stacking up. I can get things out better in writing, so this is a cathartic thing for me. Thanks for "listening".

Things I Love

I wanted to make a list of everything that I love. I don't know why; maybe because you can get to know someone better. So here it goes!

My family
My home
Our Cute Little Car
Writing
CHOCOLATE!!!
Ice Cream
Music-I Have To Have Music
DVDs
Sleeping In
Staying Up Late
Geico Commercials
Mayhem Commercials
Red Hair Dye :)
BOOKS!!!
Coloring
Early Spring
Lilacs
Rainy Days
Hot Cocoa
Office Supplies
Hugs
Junk Food
Mangoes
Air Conditioning
THE OCEAN!!!!
Cats
Trees
Pajamas
Cheeseburgers
Crispy Fries
Homemade Bread
Crisp Fall Air
Quilts From Gramma
Naps
Apple Picking
The Way Pencils and Crayons Smell
Thrift Shops
King of The Hill
Parks
Dr.Phil
Sweet Friends
Dates with My Hubby
Homeschooling
Yankee Candles
Dancing
Concerts
Reading
I Spy Computer Games
Fox News
Cute Little Baby Feet

The Things That Stick

Sometimes thing just stick with you. You pick them up in different places, and at different times. Some are good, and some are bad. These things can come from books, people, and more importantly, from God.

I have picked up a lot this week. I hope you will finish reading this, because they are important to me. The first thing I learned is that I have a lot to learn. I need to be more humble and prayerful. I need to stop and give thanks for my many blessings. Like everyone else, I pray for things I need or want, get caught up in my own day to day life, and forget to thank God for all that I do have.

I learned that to have a loving family and home are the most important things in this life. I learned that from an incredible author, Todd Strasser. He wrote Can't Get There From Here. I highly recommend this book. It stays with you and helps you to realize that family and home are such amazing blessings.

I also learned this week that Heavenly Father puts you in places you need to be, whether that is to learn an important lesson or to help others. I was feeling so alone today, so isolated from the world. That happens when you are dealing with a child that has ongoing health problems. Out of the blue, a sweet friend called me. She has children that have health problems as well. She could relate to everything I have been feeling. We stayed on the phone for over an hour. She listened, gave advice, helped me see things from a new perspective, and offered her help. That is exactly what I needed today.

Family first. I have learned that I need to be here in the present; in the here and now. If my child needs me, that has to come before anything else. If my dear husband needs me, that has to come first on my priority list. Other things have to fall by the wayside. I should not and must not feel guilty if I can't do all and be all. I also learned that it is okay to reach out and ask for help.

What Annoys Me

Random Annoyances-Just Wanted To Put Them Out There

• People That Think Shut Up is a Swear
• People That Think Suck is a Swear
• People That Think Metal is Wrong
• People That Think They Know What is Best For Other People
• Close Talkers
• Gossiping
• Judging Others
• Liars
• Snobs
• Pushy Vegetarians - Eat a Cow, You'll Feel Better
• People That Lose Weight and Push It On Others - Everyone Finds That Annoying
• Just Because You Are Older, You May not Know More Than Others
• Respect is EARNED, Not Given Because You Belong To AARP
• Double Dipping
• Let People Make Their Own Choices
• Don't Offer Your Opinion If It ISN'T Asked For!!!!
• Craving Ice Cream When There Isn't Any
• Men Blaming Women's Feelings on PMS
• Pets Are NOT Your Children-They Lick Their Butts, You Really Wanna Claim That As Your Offspring?
• People That Sneeze or Cough Into Their Hands and Then Touch You-GROSS!
• Invading Personal Space
• Don't Mess With My Family Time

It Has Been Too Long!

I have been thinking a lot about the past. My past to be exact. I would like to say that I was pondering the lives of great leaders, but nope just my life.

Adam and I have been together for more than half of my life and our bunchkins has been in our lives literally for half of my life. He is 16, and I got pregnant with him just before my 17th birthday.

I don't regret it for a moment! He is my little piece of Heaven on earth. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth it. We have grown up together; it's amazing and beautiful.

I know it helps that Adam and I can still remember the good and bad of being a teen. We hold nothing back. Our theory is learn from our mistakes. It's working for us. We have the greatest kid in the world!!!!!!

Another awesome thing that I want to share today is the miracle of answered prayers, and that I know that there is a loving Heavenly Father that hears His children.

I have had so many experiences that tell me that He is there for me. I have great joy in my heart at having this knowledge.

My Epiphany!

Yes, folks, I have had an epiphany. Something clicked and I did have an epiphany. Here is what it is!

I am not a senior citizen! You would think that the fact that I am not even 35 would tip me off, but it didn't. I have been living like I should be collecting Social Security, but I am going to try to stop doing this.

Here is where my story starts. I got pregnant when I was 16, and had my bunchkins when I was 17. Tyler is now 16. I have never felt that I fit in with other moms especially at church, and now I realize that most moms that have kiddos my age are much older than I am.

My interests are very different from most other moms too. The music, movies, and other things I love are very different than older moms. I am going to try to accept and embrace my differences. I am also going to have to understand that not everyone will accept me.

I love Paramore, Evanescence, Guns 'n Roses, Skid Row, Nirvana, Janis Joplin, Metallica, and Dream Theater. I love going to concerts, I love dying my hair fun colors. I am still young and I am going to act like it, and not act like I am 65 to try to fit in with the other mothers of teenagers.

I am not a soccer mom! I do not wear cardigans and have a Carol Brady cut or a poodle perm! Here's another shocker: I love that my kiddo and I are into the same stuff! We have no scheduled bed times or dinner times. We do everything as a family because we all love the same stuff! We actually tell our kiddo to turn his music up so it fills the whole freaking house!!! I am going to be myself! Like it or Lump it!

I Am Thankful

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for my sweet husband. This sweet man always puts me and our son first no matter what. He strives to make good choices and to be a good man. He is happy when we are happy. I am blessed to have found him, and that he loves me so much.

I am thankful for our wonderful son. He is 16 now, and I am blessed that he still loves to be around us. He is fun to be around, interesting to talk to, and he has a heart as big as the world. This kiddo is also so freaking smart it blows my mind.

I am so thankful for my parents. They always made sure that I had what I needed no matter how poor we were. My mom loved me through my teen pregnancy, and she is like a third parent to Tyler.

I am grateful that no matter what I have a loving Heavenly Father that sees me through all of my good and bad times. I have been through life on both sides, and it wasn't until I found the Church that my life made sense and started working. I love my Father and I know that my testimony is precious and no one cane take that from me.

Make the Miley Stop!!!!!!

I am missing the late 80's early 90's music. I feel most children have been robbed! Our son, thankfully, is an exception to the rule. Don't get me wrong, I love tons of music that is new and popular or not so popular now. There is just something amazing and magical about hair bands and the early hard core metal that was popular before the dreaded grunge took over.

Think about the bands that are missing from your playlist: Warrant, Guns and Roses, Skid Row, early Metallica, AC/DC, Quiet Riot, Motley Crue...the list is never ending! What are we teaching our children?

Dig out your old tunes for your kiddos! Educate them on classics! This world needs more Skid Row and less Miley Cyrus! Please, I am begging you, make the Miley Cyrus stop! Make the Lady Gagme Stop!!!! Teach our children about real music!!!!!!

Oy!

I think I need to rename this blog to "Rabbit Food, Venting, and Other Random Things". Adam and I are trying to get ourselves into some shape other than round. So far, so good.

Right now I am reading Art Geeks and Prom Queens by Alyson Noel. This book is amazing. I love it! I just finished Lies in the Gone series by Michael Grant. Holy! What an awesome book! I am on pins and needles for the next one to be released.

I love YA books. I am not really into "grown-up" books at all. There are a couple of exceptions to that rule, but overall YA fiction is my absolute favorite. It's the same with my music choices. Give me Paramore, Three Days Grace, Metallica, and Evanescence and I am one happy lady.

Today has been a trying day for me. My doctor has increased my migraine meds, so my brain is really not happy with me. Picture a crying space cadet...yeah...so not good! Tyler is still down with the stomach flu, and Adam has been my support and has been helping me so much. I love my man!

Family Tradition

I see sick people! Tyler has a stomach bug, my doctor raised my dose of meds for my migraine symptoms, and Adam has been having his migraine issues.

Anyhoo, yesterday was a good day. I helped my parents, went grocery shopping, and I was able to spend time with my hubby and son. We have a tradition where I read to them. We have created so many great memories doing this.

We started this tradition with the last Harry Potter book, and carried it through the Twilight series, Midnighter series, Gone, Hunger, and now the Uglies series. We have so many more to go through. We all love it.

I have to say that probably my favorite author right now is Scott Westerfeld. This man's imagination and writing style just blows my mind! I also love Jay Asher's book, 13 Reasons Why. I think it's a must read for parents.

My Alone Time

It's just me and the cat this afternoon. Adam and Tyler are off having some good father and son time, so I get to have the house to myself for a while. I took a nap, actually it was more like a coma , for a while. I called my mom, and now I am watching Dr. Phil.

Why in the heck are there so many people that air their dirty laundry on national television? At least it makes for some good entertainment. It also makes you soooo grateful for the good family that you have.

Another couple of guilty pleasures that I have are Without A Trace and Criminal Minds. I love the mystery and madness! So much fun!

Next, I am going to work on my book some more. I am in the middle of a very happy chapter, and I can't wait to see how it comes out. I love my characters!

My guys are home, and so I am off to make homemade hot chocolate! YUMMY!

Trust and Thanks

Trust is an amazing thing. If you think about how much we depend on the trust of others, it can be a little scary. I have a very hard time trusting anyone or letting anyone in my life. I think that is one of the reasons why I like to write.

When I write, I am in complete control of the characters that I create; where they go, what they say, how they say it and how they act. All of it is under my control, and they never let me down.

In the real world, where people can hurt me, I hold back. I hold everything back. I keep people at arm's length. No one but my husband knows the real me. People don't know what I have gone through in my past. They don't know what I really think or feel. The only person in this life that I trust is my husband.

That's not to say that I don't have people that I care about deeply. I do. I am just so afraid that if people know the real me, I won't be enough. People may not like me once they get to know me. In my experience people leave. They don't stick around for the long haul.

My sweet husband, son, Kim C., Sam, Rachel, Megan, and Ed are the exceptions. They like me, weirdness and all. Believe me, I have a whole lotta weird goin' on. To them I say thank you with my whole heart!

There Are No Lemons!

Here is my not very well developed theory, but it is a theory.

I am borrowing this from Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Hello! So true! If you will, I would like to extend this working theory to people.

Now, we all come in various shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds. We are kind of like used cars that way. We come into this world like a shiny new Rolls-Royce, but life bumps, scratches, and dings us until we end up like every other used car on the lot.

Now, just by looking at the outside of someone you can never tell what their story is. Why doesn't he smile? Why does she seem so mean? Why are they so unhappy? It isn't until you kick the tires and take a closer look on the inside does their real history come out.

So, my theory is this: Don't judge until you have all of the information. Don't chalk someone up as a lemon because they look rough and jagged on the outside. Try to love and care for each other. If we spend time trying to help others buff out their scratches and dings, ours will smooth away too.

I am the first to admit that my scratches and dings run deep. I am the freakin' Grand Canyon of dings, and if anyone were to try and bondo me right now I would probably kick them in their head. There may be a lot of people that feel the same, but keep trying. You never know when someone is ready. Don't give up or get upset if they aren't willing to let you help. Just let them know that you don't think they are a lemon.

We are all beautiful in our own way. Whether we are short, tall, fat, thin, pierced, tattooed, rich or poor we are all loved and needed. Just a thought....