True Love

Have you ever wondered what true love is? I know what it is. I have it every single day.
My dear husband is selfless, honest, caring, faithful, he looks at me in the morning, before I have even gotten dressed, and tells me how beautiful I am. He puts me first, always. He is the epitome of true love.
I adore this man with my whole heart. I think our relationship works so well because we are always trying to be good to each other. We didn't have a self help book for this, except for the teachings of Christ. We try to show each other the kind of selfless love that Christ has shown. That is true love. When you put the other person first, and show your love, communicate in a loving way, your relationship will improve.

I know what true love is, thanks to my dear husband.

Lots to Say

Well, once again, it has been too long since I have blogged! I have learned some things, done some stuff, and I'll tell you all about it!

I've learned that a lot of people that I thought were my friends aren't. I learned that if I had some posts on Facebook that were about some illnesses in my family or my depression, I would be either de-friended or have my status hidden. That hurt. I'm not sure how many real friends I actually have. Yeah that stung.

I have finished my book, I just have to complete the editing process. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm really hoping it does well. A very sweet friend is putting a website together for me. That is awesome! I am feeling like an expectant mother. I want my baby to be treated well. I am also tossing around the idea of trying to publish with an agent or try to go it on my own. I know that I want to publish traditionally first, and then do e-publishing second. Oy! So many decisions to make!

Much love and Hugs to those that have stood beside me through the good, bad, ugly, and pretty!! Please bring chocolate to see me through the publishing process?

What I know

What I know is that I don't know much.

-

I don't know how I am going to get my book published, but I do know that I am going to work my butt off to get it done.

-

I don't know what I did to offend so many people, but if being accepted means I have to change who I am...It's not going to happen.

-

I don't know why people act one way on Sundays, and then act differently every other day of the week.

-

I don't know why people can be so mean.

-

What I do know, is that I am who I am. If you are a good friend to me, I am by your side through thick and thin.

-

I know that I am a wife and mother first. Everything else comes second.

-

I know that I am a heavy metal playing, gory sci-fi tv and movie loving, YA novel reading and writing, LDS mom and wife. That is who I am. That is who I want to be, and that is who I probably always will be.

-

I know that I tell it how it is. The good, bad, pretty, ugly, and everything in between. If you don't like it, you know where the off switch is. Don't let the door hit you on your rear as you leave. BTW-You won't be missed. Fair weather friends never are.

My Cluttered Mind

I have many things to share. Just some completely random thoughts that have been floating around my cluttered mind.

I know that everyone on this revolving marble has to go through trials and tribulations. I get it. I am just so tired of seeing my sweet husband and son suffer with migraines. We are seeing neurologists, and I know that to find the right solution will take time, but it is heartbreaking when you do all you can and they still suffer.

I am so effin' tired, I could sleep for two weeks. Tyler tends to have long nights due to the migraines, and I wake up to help him. I do believe it may be catching up to me. Yeah...very tired.

I have also realized lately that I am a square peg. I know I have thought that before, but I really am. Out of my six closest friends, only two are women, and those two are just as weird as I am. I guess I just don't fit in with the "classic" woman things. I don't do shopping, spas, or shoes. (Except for books) I can't wait to go see a demolition derby, I want his and her matching four wheelers for me and my hubby, I can't wait for our picnic in the graveyard, and I am obsessed with writing. I do dye my hair weird colors, but that's for fun.

This brings me back to my last post here. My two best friends in this world are Adam and Tyler. That will never ever change. Most of the people that have let me down in my life are women. I think that's why my two close women friends mean so much to me. Megan and Kayla are so important to me. I love them and cherish their friendship. My guy close friends: Don, David, Mike, and Ed. You guys rock!

To my dear sweet family, Adam and Tyler-I love you with all of my heart, and you guys always come first.

Today, I Am Thankful

I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for my husband and son. I am thankful for my parents, and the love they show me.I am thankful for sweet friends like Becky O. and Kasi. Kasi, I know I have only met you through Facebook, but you are a sweet friend.

I am grateful that spring is coming, and the snow is melting. I can't wait for my Lilacs to bloom. I love that this world is so beautiful.

I'm grateful for having people in my life that stick with me through the good and the bad. Even my sweet little cat Emily. She has her own sweet personality that I love.

I am grateful for the tests and trials that we go through as a family because they will make us stronger. I am grateful for my faith. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and my family, and in the end, that's all that matters.

I want to thank all of you for sticking by my side. I know that at times I need to just shut down, vent, or cry. I still want to thank my sweet friends new and old for sticking with me. Know I love you all, and I am forever grateful for the blessings that you are.

The Things That Stick

Sometimes thing just stick with you. You pick them up in different places, and at different times. Some are good, and some are bad. These things can come from books, people, and more importantly, from God.

I have picked up a lot this week. I hope you will finish reading this, because they are important to me. The first thing I learned is that I have a lot to learn. I need to be more humble and prayerful. I need to stop and give thanks for my many blessings. Like everyone else, I pray for things I need or want, get caught up in my own day to day life, and forget to thank God for all that I do have.

I learned that to have a loving family and home are the most important things in this life. I learned that from an incredible author, Todd Strasser. He wrote Can't Get There From Here. I highly recommend this book. It stays with you and helps you to realize that family and home are such amazing blessings.

I also learned this week that Heavenly Father puts you in places you need to be, whether that is to learn an important lesson or to help others. I was feeling so alone today, so isolated from the world. That happens when you are dealing with a child that has ongoing health problems. Out of the blue, a sweet friend called me. She has children that have health problems as well. She could relate to everything I have been feeling. We stayed on the phone for over an hour. She listened, gave advice, helped me see things from a new perspective, and offered her help. That is exactly what I needed today.

Family first. I have learned that I need to be here in the present; in the here and now. If my child needs me, that has to come before anything else. If my dear husband needs me, that has to come first on my priority list. Other things have to fall by the wayside. I should not and must not feel guilty if I can't do all and be all. I also learned that it is okay to reach out and ask for help.

Trust and Thanks

Trust is an amazing thing. If you think about how much we depend on the trust of others, it can be a little scary. I have a very hard time trusting anyone or letting anyone in my life. I think that is one of the reasons why I like to write.

When I write, I am in complete control of the characters that I create; where they go, what they say, how they say it and how they act. All of it is under my control, and they never let me down.

In the real world, where people can hurt me, I hold back. I hold everything back. I keep people at arm's length. No one but my husband knows the real me. People don't know what I have gone through in my past. They don't know what I really think or feel. The only person in this life that I trust is my husband.

That's not to say that I don't have people that I care about deeply. I do. I am just so afraid that if people know the real me, I won't be enough. People may not like me once they get to know me. In my experience people leave. They don't stick around for the long haul.

My sweet husband, son, Kim C., Sam, Rachel, Megan, and Ed are the exceptions. They like me, weirdness and all. Believe me, I have a whole lotta weird goin' on. To them I say thank you with my whole heart!

There Are No Lemons!

Here is my not very well developed theory, but it is a theory.

I am borrowing this from Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Hello! So true! If you will, I would like to extend this working theory to people.

Now, we all come in various shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds. We are kind of like used cars that way. We come into this world like a shiny new Rolls-Royce, but life bumps, scratches, and dings us until we end up like every other used car on the lot.

Now, just by looking at the outside of someone you can never tell what their story is. Why doesn't he smile? Why does she seem so mean? Why are they so unhappy? It isn't until you kick the tires and take a closer look on the inside does their real history come out.

So, my theory is this: Don't judge until you have all of the information. Don't chalk someone up as a lemon because they look rough and jagged on the outside. Try to love and care for each other. If we spend time trying to help others buff out their scratches and dings, ours will smooth away too.

I am the first to admit that my scratches and dings run deep. I am the freakin' Grand Canyon of dings, and if anyone were to try and bondo me right now I would probably kick them in their head. There may be a lot of people that feel the same, but keep trying. You never know when someone is ready. Don't give up or get upset if they aren't willing to let you help. Just let them know that you don't think they are a lemon.

We are all beautiful in our own way. Whether we are short, tall, fat, thin, pierced, tattooed, rich or poor we are all loved and needed. Just a thought....

Venting and Crud

Okay folks, I'm in venting mode. Unfortunately, I did not come equipped with a shut up button, so "Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

I love my life. I love being a wife, lover, my husband's soft place to fall, mother, author, friend, daughter, and all of the other things that I am. I love all of it! I really do.

Now here is where things get a little tricky. This is what I don't like. I don't like one way friendships. If all you want from me is to suck the life out of me, please leave me alone. I understand that at different times friendships need more of a give and take in them. I get it. I am talking about the ones where I do all the giving and they do all the taking.

I am also not fond of people questioning my parenting skills; especially by people that have no children! I am a good mother. Our son has some ongoing health issues. Which would be why he has seen a neurologist since he was 12. These issues are a major reason why we home school. In a perfect world our son would not get sun sickness, migraines, (it has actually been a few days since he has had one!) and other health concerns. Then he would be able to go to Scout Camp and High Adventure! We do not keep him from these things because we want to be mean. He has health issues! Get that through your brain!!!!

I am so sorry that my health issues keep me from being at your beck and call. I am sorry that I can't be at every function that is thrown. Again-there are reasons why! I am not stuck up, I am not rude (except maybe right now) nor am I heartless. I have feelings too. When you treat me like I am invisible, yes, it does hurt. When I am overlooked and treated like I don't belong (WOW! BIG SHOCKER COMING UP!) it does hurt. So, please remember that I have feelings too and a heart that can hurt.

My last rant-My husband is an incredible hubby and dad! He loves and cares for us. He does everything he can to make our lives happy. He is my heart, and if you mess with him, be fully prepared to take me on as well!