Goals for 2014

I only have a couple of goals for the upcoming year.
1. Work on getting my book published.
2. Work on getting healthy. I don't mean just taking off weight. I mean getting myself in a good place emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Goals tend to come in strong and go out quickly, but I am determined to make this work. I just thought I'd share this with you all!

THE CHOCOLATE STAYS!!!!

Hanging on For the Ride.

Today is a wake up and slam me in the face kind of day. A day when everything is a bit too real and raw. Some of you know, and some of you don't know about my struggles with depression, and other mental illnesses. I've decided to let the world know who I am without the masks.

There are times when all I can do is get out of bed, and stumble to take my medications that are supposed to help me. They do, I don't know where I would be without a good therapist, and team that works so hard to help me.

Little things that people take for granted are hard for me: going to church, going to the store, being around people, having lasting friendships. Those things are so unbelievably hard for me. When I am doing them I feel like I am putting on a mask, and what you are seeing is a fake me, a me that seems to have things under control when I really feel like running and hiding.

Days at home are mostly okay. I have a loving and supportive family that keep me sane when I feel like the last threads are about to break. If I need to rest, I rest. If I need to cry, I can cry, and my sweet husband is there for me the whole time.

Taking off my mask this way is a huge help. It lets the world know why I seem to have disappeared  from the radar. There are times in therapy when you need to just sit and be where you are. I think I am in one of those times. It doesn't mean that I am not continuing to heal; it just means that this journey takes longer than I thought. I want to go a hundred miles an hour, but I can't. I have to learn patience. That is a hard lesson to learn.

The New Year

There are so many things that I could make resolutions to do in the upcoming new year. I could make resolutions for countless things because I want to do so much, but that isn't healthy. I am therefore only making two. That is to get healthier, and to work everyday on my writing. I have taken a hiatus for my own creative needs. I was shaken by something, but now the need to write is overcoming any doubts that I could have had, and it feels good. Here are some random pictures that I feel like posting about our Christmas.

A Very Merry Christmas!

Still Waking Up!

My Bookcase!

My Handsome Hubby!

Santa Came!

Tyler will be busy!

I will be busy!

We all got tons of things, but the best part was we were together as a family!!!

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to take this time to wish you a very Merry Christmas! I hope we can all remember to keep Christ in our Christmas celebrations.

This joyous season is because God loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to come to be our example and our Savior. I thank Him for that sacrifice, and that He is our Brother.

Seventeen Years!

It was seventeen years ago today that I married my wonderful husband, Adam. Here are some pictures of our journey with our son Tyler. Enjoy!

I Don't Mind If You Don't

I have never made a secret of much about my life. I think that I am pretty open. Over the last year or so, I have grown to accept myself. I have some weird quirks, but that's okay; everyone does. Some of the more controversial things about me and my family in my circle of friends are as follows:

In our house it's the parents that are playing the rock and heavy metal music.
No subject is off limits. Our son knows about our past mistakes so he can learn from them.
We all love the same music, movies and tv shows.
We took our son to his first rock concert.
I have no problem wearing black nail polish and dying my hair funky colors.
We don't care what other people think about us.

Yes, some may not like out list, but we are the tightest family that you will ever find, and our son is well adjusted, happy, and we all love each other. So, I don't mind your quirks if you don't mind ours.

Holiday Stress

Have you noticed that when people are thinking about Christmas, they think about shopping, baking, cooking, cleaning for guests, and wrapping presents? I do the same thing. It can drive you crazy and end up dreading the holiday instead of loving it.

I have no problem stating that this year has been different for me. I got my shopping done early, I wrapped with a week left before the big day, and I planned my menu early. Getting things done early can really take some of the pressure off.


I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to be happy at this time of year. We're all supposed to be having Christmas cheer and feeling perky and bright, but there is no thing wrong with having a down day, or feeling sad. Just feel bad for a little bit, and then go do something positive.

The holidays can be so overwhelming if we let them be. We need to take a little time for ourselves each day, or else we will burn out completely. Let yourself have half an hour somewhere in the day to read, take a quick nap, do whatever will make you feel good. It will help.

For me, I try to remember what this time of year is about. For me, it's about the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It's about focusing on that miracle, and it's about family.

I hope this helps some. Relax and let go of the stress.

What I Love

There are so many things that I love, but I want to share just a few of them with you.
1.I love my family.
2. I love the way that our family is with each other. We share such a strong love with each other.
3. I love my pajama days.
4. I love the truth. Lies hurt.
5. I love church.
6. I love Christmas.
7. I love hot chocolate, or any form of chocolate.
8. I love hugs.
9. I love washing my hair. Weird, I know.
10. I love the way my hubby looks at me.
11. I love the ocean.
12. I love to color.

Those are just a few of the things that I love and care about, but there are so many more. What about you? What do you love?

What I Have Learned

I have learned so much over the last year. It has been a humbling experience. I would like to share with you what those experiences are. You never know, we may help each other.
1.I have learned not to judge my insides by someone's outsides.-We all put on a great face you just don't know someone's struggles.
2. I have learned to be humble. I have been humbled by my challenges and that has left me better off than I was before.
3. I have learned that chocolate does indeed solve a lot of problems!
4. I have learned that I can't be superwoman anymore. My cape and lasso are retired.
5. I have learned to do something for myself everyday. That time replenishes and restores me. Don't mess with my time.
6. I have learned that just because you want something it doesn't mean that it's the right time for you. Many lessons can be learned by the answer 'no', or 'not right now'.
7. I have learned that big blessings come in unexpected ways.
8. I have learned that helping is rewarding.
9. I have learned that I need to blog more!!!
10. I have learned that life is precious,
and I thank God for everyday that I get to participate in it!

Yes. I Mean It!

There are a couple of points that I want to make clear.

When I say that I am an author, I really mean that I am an author. I write, and I will be getting my books published. You can laugh all you want, but I will be getting my stuff published.

When I say that I have an incredible family, I really mean that I have an incredible family.

When I sayu that the bottom fell out of my world the day my dad died, I really mean it.

When I say that I miss him so much I can hardly breathe at times, I mean it.

When I tell you that my faith keeps me going, I really mean it.

When I tell you that my Father in Heaven holds me together, I really mean it.

When I tell you that the Savior makes all things possible, I really mean it.

When I tell you that the Holy Ghost comforts me, I really mean it.

When I tell you that Green Eggs and Ham is one of the best books ever written, I really mean it.

When I tell you that my two sons are amazing, I mean it.

When I tell you that I want to float in a pool of chocolate and caramel, I really mean it.

When I tell you that hope means a lot to me, I really mean it.

When I tell you that I will make my dreams come true, I REALLY MEAN IT!

True Love

Have you ever wondered what true love is? I know what it is. I have it every single day.
My dear husband is selfless, honest, caring, faithful, he looks at me in the morning, before I have even gotten dressed, and tells me how beautiful I am. He puts me first, always. He is the epitome of true love.
I adore this man with my whole heart. I think our relationship works so well because we are always trying to be good to each other. We didn't have a self help book for this, except for the teachings of Christ. We try to show each other the kind of selfless love that Christ has shown. That is true love. When you put the other person first, and show your love, communicate in a loving way, your relationship will improve.

I know what true love is, thanks to my dear husband.

Sassy Pants!

I have had my sassy pants on for a few days. I have some more sass that I want to get off of my chest.

First Thing! I can't stand it when someone (who shall remain nameless) publishes a couple of books (2 in fact), and then thinks he's too good to speak to aspiring authors. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
This is what I picture the attitude as:

"If I run into you, If I run into you
Yeah here's what I'd do
I'd say, "Listen I'm having a really crazy week
and I can't talk right now,"

Second Thing! It drives me nuts that people put others down that write, paint, dance, etc. These are real jobs, and we work so hard to put our creativity to work. So, just because we may be at home, at a dance studio, or an art studio does not mean that we are not working.

Third Thing! Don't judge myself or my family. I know to some, it may seem like we aren't active in church, that we have fallen away, but I assure you that is not the case. We've been very ill. Yes, all three of us, and it's been hard. My Visiting Teachers Have Never Been Here! That sucks, but we have Family Home Evening every single week, we have daily private and family prayer, my son and husband are faithful priesthood holders, we have family and personal scripture study. Sorry to disappoint anyone who has had their tongue wagging about us!

Fourth Thing! It drives me crazy when people have the nerve to act like my husband and I are bad parents because our son has health issues. We all have health issues, and just because he didn't make Eagle Scout doesn't mean he is destined to a life of inactivity. He has incredible faith, and a strong testimony.

No Longer A Chicken!!!

Now I Am A Warrior Princess!!!!

I Am No Longer A Chicken!

There is something that I have been learning how to do, and that is creating boundaries. I have always let people in my life whether they were nice to me or not. I always felt that I deserved to be treated badly I guess.
I've had supposed friends treat me like I was a bad mother, family members that acted as if my home wasn't good enough, I always felt less than. Less than what I should be, less that what people expected of me, I always felt as if I were my family and friends last choice. That no one really wanted me around.
I've had things that have happened to me to make me feel horrid about myself: strangers laughing at me, an old friend looking at me and exclaiming about how fat I was, someone asking me about how I don't have a lap (actually I do), someone singing a weight loss song to me in the store, a family member saying something rude about our home, and many other things.
I have cut the people that I can out of my life that have been hurting me, and I've set boundaries so that no one that enters my life will have the power to make me feel badly about myself. I have had to say goodbye to some family, and friends that were never really friends to begin with.
I am a good person!
I deserve to be happy!
I deserve to have the wonderful husband and son that I have!
If you would try to bring me down-see ya!

Full Heart

There are many people that seem to be unhappy, or constantly complaining about their lives when they have so much to be grateful for.
My heart is full of gratitude for the blessings in my life. I have a home, that to some, may seem to be humble, but to me it is a palace.
Our health may not be wonderful, but our home is full of love, and with that love we help each other every day.
Even in a time of mourning, I have peace and comfort in the Gospel. I know that through the Savior my family can be together forever.
That brings me to my family. I have a wonderful husband that I love with all of my heart. We stand by each other through the good times and the bad times. He is a wonderful, faithful priesthood holder that exercises his duties with faith and love. He has no idea what a great man he is. I just wish he could see himself as I see him.
Our son Tyler, has lived with years of chronic pain, yet he is a young man filled with love and faith. His heart is big, and his sweet spirit is generous and  kind. He has so many amazing qualities. Being a faithful priesthood holder among them. He is honest, compassionate, and always willing to help. He is an excellent example in so many ways.
Our son, David, is a blessing as well. He has a big heart, he's sweet, funny, and compassionate. He is an amazingly hard worker, and he knows what he wants from life. He is talented, and giving. There are so many ways that he has blessed our lives and the lives of others.
I also have many sweet friends that I look forward to speaking with daily: Gail, Tiffani, Shoan, Jackie, Kasi, Amy Lynn, Sianee, Megan, Ed, Elizabeth, Susan, Brian, Melissa, Kierra, and so many others! They all have a special place in my heart.
Then there are my hobbies that I am grateful for. I love writing, reading, and doing my book reviews. I am so grateful that I have these in my life.

I think that everything comes down to gratitude and looking for the blessings that are all around us. Heavenly Father has blessed each of us in so many ways. Instead of having an attitude of pessimism, have an attitude of gratitude for what we do have.

Busy Bee!

I have been a busy bee! I am involved in my own writings, working on several books. I also decided one day last week to start a Facebook page devoted to reviewing books. I am also reviewing unpublished works as well.
I had no idea that it would take off the way it has! I have had several books emailed to me as well as hard copies to review as well. I LOVE IT!!! It is amazing to see the inspiration and raw talent that so many possess.
I love writing myself, anyone that has known me for a few minutes knows that writing and reading are passions of mine. I look forward to the time that I can send my own books out for review.
I think the greatest honor that I have had was receiving an autographed copy of The Unwilling by C. David Belt. I knew he was sending me a copy of his book to review, but when I opened it and saw the sweet note and his autograph, I just about jumped out of my skin! I will be forever grateful for that little kindness.
That brings me to another thought. You never know what a simple kindness can do to help lift a person's spirits. A smile, hug, kind words, even just a hello can make a happy day for somebody. So go out and do some good this day!