My Journey Through Breaking the Surface

Original Artwork by Kaleb Dunn

Breaking the Surface is my first novel, and it took my heart and soul to write it. I started writing this book years ago, and I can hardly believe that it is finally up for people to buy! 

This novel took all I had to write. There were many times when I had to just put the writing away, and pick it back up later. There were many days of writer's block, tears, and hair pulling.

I have to say that Evanescence got me through this book. For some reason if I really wanted to write, I had to have them playing in the background. They brought out the feelings that I had deep inside that went along with the storyline. 

I also got rid of a lot of demons as I wrote this book. Many of the things Brianna went through in the beginning of this novel I did as well. It felt good to be rid of them, and stick them out for the world to see.

I have also met a new friend because of this book. Kaleb Dunn did the stunning artwork for this book, and I couldn't be happier with it. That leads me to an old friend I need to thank, Mike Whitehead, who put Kaleb in my path.

My family has been so supportive of my writing. They have been editors, listeners, sounding boards, and they were never afraid to tell me when something didn't work. I love them for being the great family that they are.

In the end, I have learned that writing takes patience, a strong support system, good music, and you meet friends that you never would have before.

Hobbies and Random Things

One of my favorite authors is Jessica Verday. She wrote an amazing series of books The Hollow, The Haunted, and The Hidden. This trilogy in and of itself is amazing, and now I'm reading The Beautiful and the Damned. It's just as great as her other three books.
Reading has always been a pleasure of mine. I love being swept away to places like Sleepy Hollow, or taking a trip into the future in Shatter Me. It makes me happy to read a great mystery by Todd Strasser.
It's no surprise to anyone that along with reading, writing is a passion of mine. I am going through the ever so painful editing process now. I'm almost done my first edit, and then I'll move on to the second, third, or even fourth.
Writing for me is a mental release. It calms, soothes, and helps my scattered mind to find peace for a little while. I am so grateful for the ability to write.
I also like to help others by reviewing their work, beta reading, and even just giving an opinion here and there. It helps me feel as if I am still a productive person even if I am limited in what I can do now.
My other hobby besides reading and writing is collecting movies and tv shows. Right now my son and I are addicted to Enterprise. It rocks. We have a ton to choose from so we are never at a loss for something to watch. We actually have the opposite problem. It's hard to choose what to watch when we have so much to pick from.
Listening to music helps to calm me as well. I love good music like Evanescence, Metallica, and Three Days Grace. Music can definitely help calm me down,
and make me feel better.
Well, now you know some of my hobbies. Until next time!

Random Thoughts

Sitting here at my desk, I just decided to write and see where the words take me. There are many things in my life that I am forever grateful for: my family, my dear sweet husband that means more to me than mere words can ever express.
The love we have has grown through good and bad times, has withstood the test of time, and has been a stabling force in the turmoil that my brain puts me through on a daily basis. He will never know how I look up to him, how his words can put a smile on my heart and a spring in my step.
I am forever grateful for Tyler and his example. He hurts on a daily basis, but he never asks why me. He has a heart as big as the great outdoors. If people would give him a chance, they would get to know a loving, honest, caring, and giving person that amazes me constantly.
I'm not saying these things just because I am so deeply in love with my family. These people amaze me and fill me with a joy that I have to admit that I am at a loss to convey.
They put up with my book addiction, and my writing. They are my biggest fans. They have no doubt that I'll be published, and when the task seems insurmountable, they build me up and let me know that I can do it. My book addiction has grown to four filled bookcases in our small home, and we are planning to add another for the books that have no home right now. Yes, my family not only puts up with this, they support it.
Our family is a bit strange. We are Star Trek fans-diehards, we love heavy metal, we read as a family together, we are best friends, and we like the same things.
We are there for the good and bad times, just like a family should. We treasure each other, and that's the way it should be.
Now for some other things. I am trying a new healthy living lifestyle, and it's really working. I'm eating healthier, and trying to figure out what to do about exercise. Any ideas for a beginner would be appreciated. Just keep in mind that I am agoraphobic, so going out for a walk is impossible right now.
To all of the people that have a place in my heart: Rachel S., Sam, Brittni E., Erica P., Nicole S.
, and  and everyone else I am forgetting, I love you.  

Please Be Kind

We are a family in physical pain. Adam has Metabolic Myopathy. It's non treatable, and he is in constant pain. He tries to put on a brave face to the world, but his pain is constant and sometimes unbearable.

Tyler has daily migraines that leave him unable to function in the world. We have tried almost every possible treatment, and are now working on herbal treatments.

I have blogged about my own emotional problems in the past. You can read about them in my older posts.

Needless to say, we have our hands full. Understanding why we can't get to church, or other functions would be appreciated.

Things not to say to people that are in our situation:

1. Get out. You'll feel better.
2. Just shake it off.
3. It's good to see you. You must be feeling better.
4. Have you gone to the doctor?
5. You need to be out with friends.
These are just some of the things that shouldn't be said to people in our situation. We do the best we can. 

We know that this has been going on for a while, and to the outside world it may seem impossible to believe. However, we are dealing with the situation the best we can. We know that we are being tried and tested for a reason, and we will and are being blessed for what we are going through.

Goals for 2014

I only have a couple of goals for the upcoming year.
1. Work on getting my book published.
2. Work on getting healthy. I don't mean just taking off weight. I mean getting myself in a good place emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Goals tend to come in strong and go out quickly, but I am determined to make this work. I just thought I'd share this with you all!

THE CHOCOLATE STAYS!!!!

Hanging on For the Ride.

Today is a wake up and slam me in the face kind of day. A day when everything is a bit too real and raw. Some of you know, and some of you don't know about my struggles with depression, and other mental illnesses. I've decided to let the world know who I am without the masks.

There are times when all I can do is get out of bed, and stumble to take my medications that are supposed to help me. They do, I don't know where I would be without a good therapist, and team that works so hard to help me.

Little things that people take for granted are hard for me: going to church, going to the store, being around people, having lasting friendships. Those things are so unbelievably hard for me. When I am doing them I feel like I am putting on a mask, and what you are seeing is a fake me, a me that seems to have things under control when I really feel like running and hiding.

Days at home are mostly okay. I have a loving and supportive family that keep me sane when I feel like the last threads are about to break. If I need to rest, I rest. If I need to cry, I can cry, and my sweet husband is there for me the whole time.

Taking off my mask this way is a huge help. It lets the world know why I seem to have disappeared  from the radar. There are times in therapy when you need to just sit and be where you are. I think I am in one of those times. It doesn't mean that I am not continuing to heal; it just means that this journey takes longer than I thought. I want to go a hundred miles an hour, but I can't. I have to learn patience. That is a hard lesson to learn.

The New Year

There are so many things that I could make resolutions to do in the upcoming new year. I could make resolutions for countless things because I want to do so much, but that isn't healthy. I am therefore only making two. That is to get healthier, and to work everyday on my writing. I have taken a hiatus for my own creative needs. I was shaken by something, but now the need to write is overcoming any doubts that I could have had, and it feels good. Here are some random pictures that I feel like posting about our Christmas.