Hanging on For the Ride.

Today is a wake up and slam me in the face kind of day. A day when everything is a bit too real and raw. Some of you know, and some of you don't know about my struggles with depression, and other mental illnesses. I've decided to let the world know who I am without the masks.

There are times when all I can do is get out of bed, and stumble to take my medications that are supposed to help me. They do, I don't know where I would be without a good therapist, and team that works so hard to help me.

Little things that people take for granted are hard for me: going to church, going to the store, being around people, having lasting friendships. Those things are so unbelievably hard for me. When I am doing them I feel like I am putting on a mask, and what you are seeing is a fake me, a me that seems to have things under control when I really feel like running and hiding.

Days at home are mostly okay. I have a loving and supportive family that keep me sane when I feel like the last threads are about to break. If I need to rest, I rest. If I need to cry, I can cry, and my sweet husband is there for me the whole time.

Taking off my mask this way is a huge help. It lets the world know why I seem to have disappeared  from the radar. There are times in therapy when you need to just sit and be where you are. I think I am in one of those times. It doesn't mean that I am not continuing to heal; it just means that this journey takes longer than I thought. I want to go a hundred miles an hour, but I can't. I have to learn patience. That is a hard lesson to learn.

Surprise!!!

No it's not what you think. I'm NOT pregnant!!! Thank goodness!!! Not that I don't love being a mom, but having our sons all grown up by the time we are in our 30s is very nice.

I'm hoping to have my book in publishers hands in about 2 months. That will be amazing. I'm outlining book numbers 2 and 3, and that makes me one very contented author.

There is one thing that has been bothering me as of late. It's feeling like the people that were once my friends have drifted away, or are drifting away. I realize that is to be expected on some level, but it does kind of suck. My world because of the agoraphobia is one that takes place virtually rather than completely physically. I am okay around certain people: my hubby, sons, and therapist, so logically it makes sense that people would drift. It doesn't mean that I have to like it, though.

So, if you are one of my friends, virtual or not, please know that I'm here and missing you. Please know that I haven't forgotten you, so please don't forget me. Please know that if I could be there physically, I would. I'm working on it, but it will take time. So, here is the big question:

Will you be my friend?