What's on Your Mind?

When FB asks this question of me there are times when I think that I should keep that to myself. This, however, is not one of those times. This post may annoy some, it may anger some, but it will give you a better look into my twisted way of thinking.

My view is that everyone should be loved, regardless of their race, religion, or sexuality. People are people. Everyone deserves to be cared for and loved.

I also believe that beauty comes in every shape, size, and color. Every person on this earth is beautiful. We shouldn't let the people that control the media tell us what is beautiful. Some of the most beautiful people I know and love are not "media" beautiful, but they have the most beautiful hearts, souls, and minds.

We need to think for ourselves. Decide who we want to be, stand out from the crowd, and have the balls to say "I am not going to let other people decide for me. I will think for myself!" 

My heart breaks every time I hear about bullying, and the tragic consequences it has. Bullying doesn't stop at schools though. How many of us have stood silent while we see someone else being mistreated? How many of us have laughed at a gay joke, made fun of an overweight person, or passed judgement based solely on religion?

 Have the courage to stand up, and say no more!

Well this is what's on my mind today. Like it or lump it!

Growing

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be where I am today. I am getting healthier all of the time. I'm learning how to set boundaries, and I'm enjoying blogging and writing my books. The most difficult part is having patience with myself. I always want things done yesterday. I want everything to be taken care of a month ago, and realizing that it will take a very long time for things to fall into place the way I want them to is a bummer. I have so much love in my life with my family. I am cherished by them, and I cherish them. I'm also learning that it's okay to cut out toxic people from my life. I know that I can set those limits and it's not wrong. My world is a joyful place to be. I love my life. I have the most incredible husband that shows me so much support and love. How could I not be happy?

Teen Mom

I must confess that I love the show Teen Mom on MTV. I think I love it so much because I lived it. Adam and I got pregnant with Tyler when I was 16, and I gave birth when I was 17. People talk about babies having babies, but I think I pretty much became an adult when the test came back with a big pink + sign.

My mom talked about my "choices", but the only choice for me was to keep my baby. I wanted that little life that was growing inside me.

Being pregnant my senior year was not easy. Of course, I was the talk of the school. I ate lunch in the nurse's office so I wouldn't have to face a huge room of people. I didn't go out with friends, or do much. Once you are pregnant you can never forget that little person that is depending on you to make the right choices. You always know that you're different. You always know that the people you are surrounded by everyday at school have freedom to do just what they want.

I managed to finish my senior year in half time. I was able to graduate with my class Tyler was three months old, and cheering me on from his little stroller. I remember being left out of the senior slide show. That really hurt, but people can be ignorant. It's not like pregnancy is contagious.

Tyler was and is the best surprise ever. He has always been my little bit of Heaven. I don't regret a thing. Having him and making our little family is the best. He made us a complete package. Was it easy? Not at all. Was he worth it? Oh my goodness, YES!!!!!

Wow! Too Long!

I haven't been on here in such a long time. Health-wise we are all still struggling. Everyone has challenges, so I shouldn't complain. Sometimes a good vent does help, though!

Tyler has turned 18! I can't believe it. I have one boy away in college, and my baby is grown up. I know it sounds lame, but time does fly by.

Have you ever noticed how certain people are put in place for you at just the right time? I have been seeing that so often lately. I am grateful for so many people that have come out and helped us. Even just encouraging words have been amazingly uplifting.

So, to all of you that have given us kind words, love, service, and prayers, Thank you so very much!

My Favorites!!!!

I wanted to help you get to know me better by sharing some of my favorite things in the UNIVERSE with you!

I love my little family with my whole heart. I gave my heart to my husband when I was sixteen, and he has cared for it ever since. I never want it back. Our son is and has always been a wonder and joy to us. He is a gift from Heavenly Father that I will forever cherish.

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I am grateful for my testimony of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. I am also grateful for the role of families in His plan for us.

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I love books-

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Writing is my favorite thing to do.

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I love birds. There is a lilac tree by our neighbor's house and I saw the two cutest birds in it yesterday. It was an aaaawwww moment.

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I love cats. We only have one, my little Emily, and she is so adorable and dorky. I love that kitty!

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I love babies, but they always seem to be leaking somewhere. I don't get that part, but little baby feet and bellies are the cutest!

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Music is a must have in my life! I love all kinds except opera, and most classical music.

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I love that my parents live so close to us. I love that I get to see them all of the time, and that they have been such an important part of Tyler's life.

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I love bacon, but if I didn't I would be just plain crazy.

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I love that I got to see an angel on earth through Ben Orton. That boy is so sweet, and is missed.

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I love that our family is filled with love.

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I love that I have an "adopted" son, and that he is such a good person!

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We read as a family every night. We have shared so many good books together.

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I love Christmas and Thanksgiving!

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I love berries.

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I love twinkle lights!

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I want to snuggle with a polar bear, panda bear, and grizzly bear, but I don't see that happening anytime soon :)

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I love to laugh.

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I love journaling, when I remember to do it ;)

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I love all animals! They are so sweet.

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I love hugs.

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I love the ocean.

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I want to go to Ireland, and stay for a couple of months.

That's just a sampling of the things I love. I'm sure there are a lot more, but that's it for now. Love and Hugs!!!!

You Don't Know Me

There are many people that think they have me all figured out, but you don't know me. Not the real me. Some people think that they understand everything about me, but you don't and you probably won't even care to try. Some people would group me with the misfits, the losers, the pathetic, the maladjusted, the attention starved. You have no idea what I am. Just like I may want to to call you an ignorant bastard for thinking those things about me, but I shouldn't because I don't know you.

You don't know that I can hardly get out of bed sometimes. You don't know that pajamas are my usual clothing choice because I can't think of a damn good reason to get dressed. You don't know that while you are laughing and having a great time being out, it's all I can do to hold myself together. You don't know the friendships I have lost because I am so anxious around other people I want to scream. You don't know how lonely I am. You don't know that my only comfort is my husband. You don't know that I can't feel comfortable anywhere but my home. You don't know that I am so afraid of the outside world, that I have built a cocoon around myself. You don't know that I have to change my clothes when I come home because I am so afraid of germs. You don't know the multitude of silent prayers I say to make it through each time I have to go out. You don't know how hard it is for me to open the mail because I am afraid of germs. You don't know how I can't even read library books comfortably because other people have touched them. You don't know how mentally and emotionally and physically tired I get. You don't know how humiliating it is to not be believed that I feel as badly as I do. You don't know how hard it is not to be able to eat without inspecting my food. You don't know how hard it is for me to talk to people, or to even to be around other people. You don't know how hard it is to want to be invisible when you are out. The list goes on and on. You may think you know me, but you don't.

My diagnosis is Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety, and Panic Attacks. You don't know how hard it is to live a life like that. If I don't meet up to your expectations, or if you feel somewhat superior to me because you have managed to deal with a mild form of one of these illnesses well yippee for you. As I said you don't know me or what it's like to be in my head.

I need to heal, I need to understand what a kind and loving friend said to me, that this is an illness. I am sick. It may not be with cancer, diabetes, or even a cold, but it sure as hell makes you feel exhausted, consumed, and drained.

You Really Don't Know Me.

Three Wishes

Every author needs one of these!

I posted on my FB wall a simple question: If you had three wishes what would they be? I had a lot of great replies. Now my three wishes:

1. I wish that my family had good health (I'll go ahead and stick myself in there too) I wish Tyler's migraines would be cured, and that he would never have to suffer through another one. I would wish that Adam's migraines would disappear, his epilepsy would never bother him again, his arthritis would go away, and that his breathing problems would never plague him again.

2. I wish that I could meet my favorite authors: Elizabeth Scott, Alyson Noel, Elizabeth Chandler, Scott Westerfeld, Todd Strasser, Jay Asher, Michael Grant, Jessica Verday, L.M. Momtgomery(admittedly difficult on the last one)

3. My final wish would be to be a published author. That would be a dream come true.